I often think if I invest too much in my friendships. Due to certain events that happened to me in my earlier years, I have been really careful about looking after my own interests when it comes to friendships. I learnt to protect myself and not let myself get hurt by not being overly dependent on one person or one group of friends. It has made me into this person whom in others’ eyes, I have way too many groups of friends and I always abandon one for another. I guess people also think that I’m not ‘loyal enough’ to any one group.
But time and time again my stupid trusting and depending nature as well as my foolish pride gets in the way, and I end up with a whole messed-up pile of nothing. I always think of how my own inputs couldn’t be met with the same outputs. It really gets on my nerves whenever something happens and I’m thinking if it’s really true of I’m just reading too much into the situation.
Right now I feel like my heartstrings are all tangled up, and no matter how hard and long I try to breathe they wouldn’t untangle, and the weight of it is just pushing down on my chest and making me all dizzy.
Sigh, maybe only time will tell.