I’ve always thought of myself as someone who can understand others quite well. I’m not bragging here, but I really do manage to find great deals about people in just short conversations. Not just the shallow stuff but also what kind of people they are. I think this may be why I am attracted to careers involving, or rather, centered on interaction with people. However, one person I seemingly fail to comprehend again and again, is my sister.

She always seems to be upset 24/7, and I may only be holding good and happy conversations like maximum 2days in 1.5 weeks (this is very specific because I’ve calculated the frequencies). She’ll always have random outbursts; she doesn’t really regard your seniority and thus throws you the why-are-you-not-dead-yet face everytime you walk into her room, call her name or even look at her while she’s walking past you in the house.

For me specifically, in matters of Chinese music, Chinese books, Chinese language, mangas and some other current affairs, she would always seem to be very eager to put me down as less knowledgeable than her. (I do exhibit similar elements hahah.)

I kinda feel that her aloofness has resulted from her poor academic results in her younger years which made her have an “inferior” attitude. This may have caused her need to want to control everything else in her life and thus her constant disagreements with us and wanting to do things her own way. It has probably also made me very afraid of talking to her and being so annoyed at her at times when I don’t even talk to her. Even her behaviour, expressions and attitude makes me angry.

She would stomp out of her room just a minute after we watched a television show together and enjoyed a conversation about it, and talk in a passive aggressive manner. Being accusatory, making herself sound like she is entitled to things (I really dislike people who are like that. Fight for yourself!!!) and just being angry and annoyed at everything. Awhile ago my mum and I went to the salon without her because she was working. And she got really angry for the past 2 weeks. And then today she brought it up again. I did feel really guilty for not bringing her, and I asked my mum if this was wrong. And my mum said that there was no choice because the only time she wasn’t working would be during weekends and the salon would be really crowded then. But what I don’t understand is why she has to get so upset and angry. Maybe she feels left out, like we actually planned to go without her. Maybe she really cares about her hair. I don’t know which is it.

The thing is, a few months back after she ended her exams, I wanted to buy sparkling water in bulk. And my mum suggested we go to Big Box to take a look. I remember I was not at home that day, and my sister demanded that my mum bring her there alone. She said “为什么要等她一起去?” It was really ridiculous because she set double standards. (I also really dislike people who have double standards. As the saying goes, “Don’t do unto others what you don’t want others to do unto you.” I feel that people like that only care about their own welfare and are really selfish.) The sad part is that for the current case, we really couldn’t make it on weekends (my parents go for singing lessons) but for the previous case she actually planned on purpose to go without me.

Sigh it’s really very hard to try to talk to someone you’re “close” to like that about their problems because there is a different mode of communication. They can be so comfortable with you that they think they can treat you as badly as they want and not heed your advice.

My sister is also very unreceptive with criticism. Say something bad that’s even remotely related to her, BAM her face darkens, she doesn’t look at you, does something else and ignores you, and she doesn’t talk to you for another week. This is actually characteristic of a low EQ (which is NOT pathological and not definitive), which I’m pretty sure if I were to tell it straight to her face, we won’t talk for another month.

Stage: Denial


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